May 10 2001
MESSAGE TO APOLLO: This is me getting through a period of disbelief in myself. I would be looking to an external force for meaning and inspiration when ultimately it's all here and you just need to look in the right places.
I was forcing myself to see the beauty here... in the mirror, in my creativity, individuality and just overcoming general perceptions and guidlines that create boundries.
LIGHTBULB SONG: Desire, I think, can be hidden under the skin for a while... then dies, unlike the unconfronted past, which surfaces periodically like some demented creature to eat you alive.
I'm learning the connection between the two things and exploring both the beauties and fears of self discovery.
The title comes from the lyric "Out of my reach the past hangs bright like / 1800 watt lightbulb luminating my mind."
HOW I SEE IT: We all define the meaning of our life by what we choose to believe it's definable by.
I think this world invites a little abstract reasoning.
After my first gig with Cousteau I was so moved by Liams voice. It seems to vibrate all the heart parts that you've kept frozen for safety. He offered (along with Davey Ray Moor, who plays beautiful Rhodes piano on 'On Leaving') to be on the record and I was writing this song at the time. I just couldn't resist.
Then when Chrissy Van Dyke (female backing voice) heard it and offered to do the harmony it was like all the planets were in the right position.
THE WAVES: It took me many years to reach a point of reconciliation toward the loss of my grandfather.
The words kept coming 'stop reaching for what wisdom has no time for', then I got up in the night and wrote the whole song in an hour.
I found out later it was his birthday.
He was always there in the absence of my father.
This is me letting go of him physically and accepting him spiritualy. Now he's always around.
We recorded it on the anniversary of his death.
LET IT FALL: This song is about the only point of communication I've ever had with my blood father. A telephone conversation a few years ago.
These are probably the most literal lyrics I've ever written. I suppose every word I write must hold a certain amount of his spirit, his absence was one of the things that fuelled my passion to sing.
RIBBONS: I was going through a very emotional time when I recorded this song.
I mean, I was a real mess. I couldnt stop crying. I can barely listen to it now.
Nothing is ever a simple as 'this isn't working, let it go.' How much can being with someone really allow you to be yourself?
And how pain and ecstacy can seem like one in the same.
There always needs to be a door left open for both of these.
ON LEAVING: Extremes excite me. I learned that when you are moved by something there is no room for awe or comparison, your brain automatically just finds the affinity.
We are spit from the earth's mouth to find something that can really take us out of our skins. We already know that music can be transcendental in different ways.
That's not a modern discovery. I wasn't looking for structure/ boundaries when writing this song.
For me, as a first record, this had to be exactly how I wanted it. The deal I have means I have complete artistic freedom.
It's kind of an excorcism of the ghosts of my soul... so I couldn't have anything on there that I wasnt completely comfortable with.